linzee: (mbt: take a bow)
The X Files premiered twenty years ago today, which I find absolutely ridiculous and a little bit terrifying. XF was my first fandom -- I got into it pretty late in the game (late season five), and into fandom after the movie came out -- back when I was a relatively tiny Linzee (well, 90s internet-tiny -- I feel like there are nine year olds on tumblr now so apparently fourteen would not be all that young? YOUTHS). For better or worse it shaped most things about my fannish experience, but the one thing XF did for me is give me a group of friends that I've had for over a decade now. Most of them aren't in fandom anymore, but we've all kept in touch. I always joke -- most people have high school friends, I have XF friends, but it's true and I am grateful for that. The show gave me a sense of belonging during my teenage years I wouldn't have had otherwise. Which is perhaps a weird memory to have of a show and a fannish experience, but, well...XF was weird.

Tonight I re-watched "Field Trip" and "All Things," because "Field Trip" is one of my favorite episodes and because I hadn't watched "All Things" in years. Miscellaneous thoughts on both include:

This is not long, but it is mindless. )

I was going to come up with a "top ten X Files episodes" list or something for the occasion, but every time I started I ended up getting distracted watching episodes. One day I will triumph and come up with that list though. One day.
linzee: (Default)
Life update: travelling across the country with two cats is unnecessarily difficult. Actually impossible, if one of the locations on your itinerary is Phoenix. I can't cargo one of the cats because no airline will accept animals as cargo if the temperature is above 85, even if their cargo hold is air conditioned. Which -- okay, I appreciate this as a safety precaution, but they also won't let me carry on two cats even if I buy one of them a person-ticket, which is a touch more frustrating. Cat ladies travel, too! The solution I ended up with after great deliberation is just to fly back to Arizona for a long weekend in mid-October and pick up the second cat then, for all of four weeks until I fly back to Phoenix for Thanksgiving, at which point I'll be bringing back one cat, and then the second one comes with me, yet again (and for good) for Christmas. My mom suggested I try to smuggle on a cat like Lucy Ricardo with the cheese, but cats aren't quite as edible, nor am I in possession of convenient hideout tubas.

ANYWAY. Second point of order: earlier this summer my older of two external hard drives died, and as a result I lost basically every fanvid I have ever saved. It was horrible -- at least a decade's worth of fanvids, including quite a few old XF and SV videos that aren't online anymore. I don't think I'm ever going to get entirely over this. I was able to rescue my 13 year old Matchbox Twenty mp3 collection, though, as well as my Train mp3 collection that's about that same age, so at least there's something. Since then I've been trying to start a new fanvid collection, but it's still pretty scarce. Anyone have any fanvid recs they want to send my way? *huge eyes*

I will start with two!

Light Em' Up - Team Free Will [Supernatural] - there's another SPN video to "My Songs Know What You Did In the Dark" that was ubiquitous on Tumblr a couple of months ago, but I wasn't much of a fan of it. This one, on the other hand, is absolutely incredible. This song is so wonderfully over-dramatic in the glorious, over the top way that made me fall in love with Fall Out Boy in the first place, and the video amps that up to 11. I honestly like this video so much I've just accepted it as the music video for the song; the editing is better than the editing for the real music video/music video series-thing.

Getaway - Dean/Benny [Supernatural] - I feel like everybody secretly, deep down inside, shipped Dean/Benny. At least once, for at least a couple minutes. This video pulls those couple minutes out of you and turns them into a massive pile of feelings that you will want to crawl under and die (okay, that might just be me). Things I am still not over, apparently: that time Dean had to decapitate his vampire boyfriend to save his baby brother. Supernatural is why I don't have nice things.
linzee: (Default)
Title: Napoleon in Rags
Author: Linzee Style
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Word Count: 42,365
Warnings: canon-typical violence and themes; temporary character death (it IS Supernatural, after all).

Summary: “So,” Dean says eventually, breath ruffling Castiel’s hair. “You gonna tell us about this place?”

“I don’t have to,” Castiel says, pushing himself up on his elbows. “If I’m right, it’s nearby. Near something called Tucson.” Dean looks at him incredulously and Castiel scowls. “I was hiding an invaluable relic, not purchasing real estate.”

Or: There's no such thing as a hunter retirement plan.

[Read at AO3]

linzee: (misc: judas i don't believe you)
I've spent the last hour of my life watching Fabella's really amazing Sam/Castiel music videos and then I logged on to Tumblr and there was Scully/Reyes fanart that kept referring to Scully as "Dana" and it's not even nine PM in Arizona and I honestly have no idea what is going on or what reality is anymore. I have never been so confused.

[In all seriousness though, you have to watch that Sam/Cas video. The one I linked directly is set to "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson and I don't think I would've clicked that for many vidders but she made Rob Thomas work as a fanvid for me and oh my god you guys no just do it.]

I'm totally watching this video while trying to finish my first over 40,000 word fic (Dean/Castiel, but I swear I am not one of those Dean/Castiel shippers -- I mean, I've spent the last 24 hours mainlining Sam/Castiel fanvids and before that I was running around trying to recover a pretty impressive Wincest fanvid collection so, I mean). It's at 42k and it just keeps growing and I'm either proud of myself or horrified and I haven't figured out which yet. It's entirely possible I'll get tired of words for the evening and give up and vid instead.

In other news, if you ever want to confuse a cat, put on a clay face mask. My boy kitty has been staring at me like I'm a demon for the last twenty minutes. He won't even get in my lap -- he's just on the ground next to me screaming at my green face.
linzee: (Default)
My oldest external hard drive is in the process of dying, or just generally being an asshole for no reason -- I'm unclear on which, but while I can see the folders in which my media is located, I cannot click those folders or enter those folders or get at my media in any way. I'm currently trying to get a fanvid collection that has twelve years' worth of vids in it, but I do not think I am going to have much luck and that makes me sad in ways I cannot describe to you. I had X Files videos on there that don't even exist on the internet anymore.

On the plus side, I rescued all of my Matchbox Twenty mp3s. I'm sure that's a thing you were worried about.  Now I just have to once again procure an amount of television and cinema that we aren't going to talk about.

At any rate, while I fuck around with this stupid external hard drive, I'm reduced to only watching things that are on my other, newer drive. This has led me to re-live my Smallville days, which -- alright, like everyone else I left in season four, because season four made no sense whatsoever. Rewatching does not help. In fact, the show actually makes more sense if you just stop trying to fit season four into the plot of Smallville and pretend Dean Winchester is having the weirdest year ever while Sam is still off at Stanford.


I do appreciate, as always, that at any given time I can never tell if I'm looking at a promotional still or the first five minutes of a porno.  Thank you for that, Smallville.

And now if anyone has any idea how to get files off of an external that is giving I/O errors and won't let me open, explore or run recovery programs on any folder with video in it (though I can see the folder and my computer says the device is working properly), or alternately, if anyone has a huge-ass repository of fanvids they want to share with me to help rebuild my collection, any and all help would be greatly appreciated because oh my god I am going to punt this thing to the moon.
linzee: (Default)
Shameful admission. For as much as I hate the fetishization of the printed text, I get really excited about first editions. Not in the "obsessive hoarder of expensive books" way - I'm a grad student, not Nic Cage here. But my favorite game is going on Amazon and trawling by year and publisher to find random first editions for cheap because no one but me cares. Today I was super excited to get this in the mail:

This is definitely one of those "no one cares but me" moments, but this is the first edition of Gertrude Stein's "Geographies and Plays" from 1922. This book has seen some shit man.

I have about one thousand things I need to be doing right now to start my summer. These things include:

-making audio books for my actual job, which I work at and pays me.

- writing my dissertation (I need to revise an already-written piece into a final chapter, and write what will be my theoretical introduction/first chapter)

-write a book review on a book of Gertrude Stein's letters for my mentor which is totally no pressure at all because I'm apparently the only graduate student doing this in a bunch of actual real-life professors and also my mentor still scares the crap out of me. He is literally one of my favorite people, but he terrifies me in that way where only someone who has known you since you were 19 can terrify you once you've reached the age to understand just how embarrassing you were at that age.

-anything but what I am actually doing, which is:

-making the Lord King Bad Vid of my heart and soul. I am so sorry, except I'm not. Literally the only way this could get more id-tastic was if I made a fanvid to "Ever the Same" (I promise: I will never make a fanvid to ever the same. BRAVE LIKE SOLDIERS.)

I absolutely have my priorities in order.

Speaking of, though! I am dusting off my DW/Livejournal in a concentrated effort to post more often: let's start with three days a week. Because I think it's good for my emotional/mental health, and because I desperately miss fandom as an interactive experience. So, in the interest of doing so, here is how I spent my Extended Summer Vacation:

-I got back into fandom with a brief foray into the Avengers fandom! I suppose technically I am still in this fandom, but honestly, I've never been able to stay long in Joss Whedon fandoms. I do consider myself to be in the 616 fandom though. Largely Steve/Tony, though I managed to crap out 90% through a 23k fic and will never, ever finish anything in that fandom because:

-HEY YOU KNOW WHAT WAS A GREAT IDEA? Over spring break I got caught up on Supernatural! You know when I last watched SPN regularly? Before bandom hit. This one I honestly blame Tumblr for, because seriously there were 48 hours straight where In That Moment, I Swear Every Blog Was a Destiel Blog. In all seriousness though, that freaking crypt scene was literally my entire dash for so long. And then my exams were upon me and I was stressed out and I already had seasons 1-7 on my hard drive (don't worry about it), so I just started where I left off and marathoned four seasons in two weeks.

Don't do that, by the way. I'm pretty sure I angered god. You know what I want though? An XF/SPN crossover fic. I'd write it, but I'm honestly not sure how that would work - if it would be best set in present day XF continuity (in which case you'd have to admit I Want to Believe happened, and is anyone ready for that?), or would you want to pull Mulder and Scully up a decade, in which case they would almost certainly end up either hunting Dean and Sam, or running the same case. I think I like the former, though XF2 can we not.
linzee: (misc: judas i don't believe you)
One of the hardest realizations for me in the fandom shift from LJ/DW to tumblr has been having to come to terms with the fact that I no longer have any idea how to disseminate fanworks: either I've become completely out of touch with what Kids Today want in their work (this is entirely possible), or I'm just clueless (also possible), or it's a combination of the two (also likely), but tumblr's fanfic culture in particular is a foreign creature that confuses and at times completely vexes me. I'm just throwing darts in a dark hallway and it is discouraging beyond all belief.

The thing is, and I have always said this because it is true, but I don't necessarily feel the need to post what I write. I write as stress relief because it's nice to work in a relatively low-stakes environment where (under normal circumstances) no one is going to tell you how badly you suck. Bandom took that from me for a while, but eventually I realized bandom was largely a complete hive of scum and villainy and moved on with my life. What I am embarrassingly, humiliatingly susceptible to, though, is radio silence. My biggest fear is posting a fic I've worked on for months and getting no response, or posting fanart or drabbles and hearing radio silence. And the thing with tumblr is - for the reasons mentioned above - this is what happens. Which is fine, because no one owes me commentary, but I do find myself writing things and then putting them away in the Google Docs equivalent of my sock drawer more and more often. Which is a thing I've always done: I wrote about twice the amount of bandom fic that I actually posted, for instance; I have a few extra Adam Lambert stories that never made it to the internet; I wrote for The Avengers and never posted. And now I've got this 40+k Supernatural fic I'm just about finished with that I'm really, really proud of and I'm not entirely sure I'm going to post because while I can handle criticism, I get so embarrassed and ashamed when I publish something online and nothing happens but silence.

The downside of this, and this is where I realize I am being a total selfish asshole, is I still like getting things beta'ed. And that is a hard sell: "hey, do you want to beta 42,000 words of Dean/Castiel with a lot of Sam knowing it will never ever get posted on the internet and all your work will be for naught?" Oh yes sign me up for that!

In conclusion, as long as I'm here, here is a Meg/Cas vid I made a while ago and, uh, never posted. At what point am I in danger of becoming some sort of fandom hoarder?


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